Unfair.. really unfair
tts why i nv liked home. nv had a nice family.. cant talk to them. nv used to talk much from young. maybe tts why im kinda shy and cant talk really well? haha. did a compre recently and it says tt people with loving parents that always talk them will be more polite and speak better also. haha.
and wad i wanna sae is.. my stupid father. and sometimes my mom. all think tt my bro is so great. i dun understd why. jus cos he is earning now.. got a SIA job. which pays them qutie well. being able to bring income home. they think tt he is so great. and even b4 he got the job. they alr think tt he is much more superior than mi. pls.. as if they noe anything. tts why i dun like to tok to my parents. and get more and mroe rebellious. its a vicious cycle. i dun like them being unfair and always praise my brother. so i dun wan to talk to them or purposely talk back. and then the most they hate mi and think im useless. and discriminate against mi more. and the more rebellious i get. ZzZzzz..
my dad noes nth abt education. i studied enough to get to sji. which is quite a good sch. and do i get anything? last time i keep running.. come home late and everything.. someitmes getting injured.. they will sae.. u run so much for wad? got use meh? dun run alr la. even if i bring so mani medals and everyting back.. they still dun understd. till i was on newspapers.. represented spore when i was sec 2. then they noticed.. "oh.. so u are actually doing sth" i dun get encouragement at all. and had to choose jc last time.. they sae.. u can go jc anot.. i was like.. of cos? very easy to get in wad. depending on which jc onli. but especially my dad. he will go like.. "u can anot? dun tok assif u very good. can go jc then sae." plssss... if my bro cannot get to jc doenst mean i cannot ok? jc very hard meh? pls.. i told them i can go to rj.. then my dad went like "HAHAHAHA.. dun think u are very good" i really got into rj alr wad.. but i rejected them and went chose vj. have they realised tt im actually better than my bro? studies.. track..?
NO!! jus now.. they ask mi to do sth. i dun wan to go. i sae im studying. im really studying.. then my dad sae.. why got so mani exams? take and take.. i sae this one is for uni.. then he go again.. haha.. u can go uni anot? i sae.. uni very hard meh? see wad course u study onli. but he doesnt noe anything. think if u can enter uni u are the smartest ppl in spore. pls la.. so mani ppl enter uni.. very difficult meh? im not saying i can get medicine or law.. but if i take any course.. sure can enter one wad. cos wad he noes is onli tt if u can enter.. u are very smart. he doesnt noe abt courses or anything. then he sae.. ur bro also went to study uni (some night course uni thingy) also nv get anything. so he cannot get anything means i cant get? so he is so much better than me? i msut be lower than him? i nv get appreciated in this house la. even my relatives still rem i was on the papers last time.. and still ask abt my running.. but do my parents noe anything? when they are the one tt should noe? even my bro doesnt noe much.. abt how all the educational system work.
so he ended the conversation with.. "so if u can enter uni.. then...( i was thinking maybe i will get some reward finally) good for u"
will this ever end? will i ever be better than my bro in their eyes? i will nv be able to make them happy.. i bet it will be totally a different treatment if its my bro entering jc and uni and all..
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Friday, October 28, 2005, 6:22 PM
Reaching for the stars..
jus wanna sae sth abt something i did at the beginning of this month. my bro went to ballot for a place at a flee market at tanglin mall. i dun even noe they have a flee market organised like twice a month. so no bad. but my smart bro.. who's travelling everywhere everytime.. sae if hes not in spore, i'll have to go and tent the stall. so well.. he wasnt in spore tt time.
so i went with eve. and my mom. eve brought her clothes to sell also. but mostly its all mine. at 1st i tot im not going to make any money.. jus wasting my time there. but wah.. when i reached. its like filled with ppl la. sporeans actually noe such dates and come here to chiong. haha. but actually.. its all the philipinos. and blanga. philipinos are actually quite rich noe. some open their wallet alot of money. think its their pay dae. was 1st of oct wad. so yeah. sold 2nd hand clothes. and most expensive onli 15 bucks. some original soccer jerseys. man u, liverpool and england. then actually we had some branded stuff la. then its very diff to sell. if they ask for the price.. and i go like 20 bucks.. they will give some disgusted face. like i have said a ridiculous price. and throw my clothes back and walk away. blanga are the worst. everything also wan to be super cheap. i was alr selling at 2 bucks each .. then they will pick 2 shirts. and ask.. "together 2 dollars?" then i sae cannot.. 2 bucks each not pay 2 bucks and pick how mani u like. they will go.. i buy more from u wad.. wth. everything also ask one dollar. at least philipinos sell them at 4 bucks each they will buy also. made abt 200 bucks tt dae. quite alrite la. not bad.
then yest went to eat with shu, wenx, mag, sui, yolks and chun. had fish and co at suntec. the seafood platter is nice man. alot of things. shared with chun. then after tt.. sat there and talk la. then talk abt jobs in the future. then mi and chun sae we dun mind to be house husbands if our wivies can earn alot. then kena scolded by all the gals there. lol. sae we useless. and shu and wenx were like.. wanting to have a starting pay of 6k and 4k. pls la. if they dun depend on anyone.. and base on their own abilities. how is tt possible. starting pay lor. and chun was saeing.. if they noe how hard is it to earn like 16k salary? then he said.. u all wan 16k in 25 years is still possbile la. means they will earn 16k at 40+ years old. then ah.. all of the gals gave like a damn sian and irritated face. cos they think tt 16k is too lil. they wan to earn much more. and liek within 10 years. maybe im too down to earth. but if i can earn 10k-12k at wadeva age.. im happy enough. how mani ppl earn more than 10k lor.. small percentage actually, though there are mani rich ppl ard.
and some western stall below my house at the hawker centre.. i go there too often alr i think. and always eat this same thign. cos its quite nice. some pasta. and now.. when i pay. the person will ask mi how much i usually pay and i'll jus pay at tt amt. cos sometimes they forget how much the thing cost. maybe next time i sae 2 bucks. haha.
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Saturday, October 15, 2005, 7:27 PM
A's Coming
wah sian.. need to start studying again. nv go sch todae.. dunno wads wrong with me. jus dun feel like going to sch. hai. ok. my final grades are very bad. C E O. i really hope i can do well enough to get to uni. and there's been talks going on in sch.. like yest.. and i attended and think i have sort of decided tt im going to take NTU accountancy. if i can make it. its 3 years.. and have direct honours. so its short.. and good. they are like the best business schs in ASEAN and top 5 in Asia. cool man. and i tot abt SMU, think its very vibrant and may be fun. but hmm.. its jus wad we see.. maybe they get the fun ppl to come and talk to us. jus like vj.. it looks like its such a fun sch at open house and everything.. but when im actually here.. it isnt so. so mayb SMU is the same? haha. anyway.. will go NTU if i can make it. study hard man.
My uncle passed away.. the one fighting with cancer. its not a very long fight. onli a few months. and think his case is more serious. but in a way. it may be good as he does not have to suffer so much. at least hes not really in great pain or anything.
my this cousin.. who is always very nice to me.. he is much older and working and all la. always give mi moneya nd everything, he said sth tt strucked me. he asked me.. "do u noe why im so nice to you?" i sae i dunno.. then he sae.. "cos i promised your godmom tt i will take care of u" then i was stunned and jus keep quiet. my Godmom passed away when i was very young. and its been so mani years.. a promise he made so mani years ago.. and he is stil keeping to his promise now. to take care of me. wah. he is really a very nice person. he keeps to his promise.. nv see him complain abt anything. treat ppl very well. im surprised how can someone keep his promise for so long. and tt.. wah. we have to be careful wad we sae to ppl and wad we promise them. cos it could mean tt we have to do sth for a lifetime. wah. scary.
but one funny thing is tt.. i was going home with his cousin and her mom, which is my aunt after the funeral. then ah.. my aunt secretly give mi 10 bucks.. with her back facing my cousin, and ask me to quickly keep the money. dun let my cousin see. haha. so i jus keep it. then like 10 mins later.. my cousin suddenly walk towards me and stuff 20 bucks into my pocket.. and he sae.. keep quiet. dun let my aunt noe. wahaha! both of them so secretive so wad. 2 doign the same thign at the same time. i jus kept it cos i din wan to cause a commotion. cos its suppose to be secretive. haha. so in the end, i benefitted. cool. but tis jus quite funny. ok.. goign to study.
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Thursday, October 06, 2005, 4:01 PM
What the hell?
this is quite unbelievable. im being stalked by a guy. im my way home after a run. run under the hot sun. almost going die. run a while cannot take it alr. 1st run in 3 months. dislike running man. think gyming will be much better.
omg. he looks like he is abt 30+.. wearing long sleeve.. office bag and everything. and its 3+ pm.. duno why he is not in his office doing dunno wad. at 1st he walked past mi.. then keep turning back and look.. like 4, 5 times.. then stop there. so i jus walk pass him.. tot its nothing.. and i was really thristy.. wan to go home for a drink. then after a while i realised he was behind mi! he followed me. so i stop and let he pass mi. and stare at him. lol. so now he pass mi.. and crossed the zebra crossing to get to the other side.. towards tiong bahru plaza. so i tot he is going off. so i happily walk towards my house. and 10 secs later i jus turn back to check he is gone. and guess wad.. he is standing opp the road.. tt he crossed. not moving.. standing beside a rubbish bin eating sth and throwing away while staring at mi again!!!
freaking.. so i quickly walked to the blcok beside my block. and went up to the 2nd floor. so tt he may think tt i stay there. i walked thru the whole level.. to get to the other side of the stairs.. then walked down, wanting to go home alr. to my horror.. he was at the ground floor.. looking ard!!! omg.. means tt he crossed back from the zebra crossing and follow mi to the block. freaking.. scared he rob mi or do sth scary. tho i have no money with mi. but i dun wan to fool ard. so i quickly run to my block and run up the stairs and lock myself in my house. lol. dun dare to go out. this is freaking scary. im being stalked by a guy!
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Monday, September 26, 2005, 11:01 PM
After a long time
i cut my hair! finally. after 3 months. and my hairstylist almost cannot recognise mi. sae i look different. too long nv cut hair. haha. but now tis good. cooling and all. shampoo and all tt also dun have to use so much.
todae is a restin dae. very tired. spent almost the whole of yest with eve. from morning.. went dental with her.. and we watched Shen Hua. the jacky chan new movie. i think its quite nice la. its very different from his other movies.. last time the movies all jus fight and fight.. all abt the same story line. but this one is more interesting. u still have the fighting scenes but the plot is quite good also. changing ard between the ancient time and now.. going back to an ancient warrior and then come back to become a modern hong kong guy. nice. ohoh.. and the indian gal in the movie is really quite hot.
met the guys at nite. going indochine. so we had dinner at billy bombers then went indochine. the potato salad at bombers were a bit weird.. abit bitter.. then apparently.. all of us went to shit later.. and leang wen the smelliest of all! haha. stink the whole place. =P
party at indochine wasnt very good. too few ppl. too mani guys also. opened a bottle of jack daniels. pretty ex. 210 bucks. but its jus like a gathering man.. guys outing. nice. brotherhood. too mani rj ppl there yest. and not very interesting. lucky got them. so its not too bad.
jus came back from daren's house. went his house to slp. his dog shit on the floor or sth. not the right place, then his bro take cane and whack. and scold like shit. so scary. haha. but think its the onli way to train a dog? so its ok la. watched longest yard at his house. funny man. nice nice. and now.. i need rest. zz..
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Saturday, September 24, 2005, 5:36 PM
Fighting On..
went to hospital again todae. been going there everydae to visit my uncle. quite bad la. but he is still hanging on.. i hope he can hold on longer too. and todae.. the person on the ben opp my uncle passed away. and had teh curtains covered and everything. tot the nurses are doing sth.. till my cousin told mi that the person passed away. the person has been there since the 1st dae i went to visit my uncle. and he has mani tubes and needles poked into his body, to keep him alive. and the machines are pumping quite hard.. can hear the sound one lor. and todae.. he passed away. my aunt covered the curtains of my uncle's bed too.. so tt he will not see the dead person or anything.. to feel upset or frighten in any way.
and one interesting thing. carry one bed in.. with a piece of cloth covering the whole bed till the cloth reach the floor. and when they came out.. the bed is still flat on top. we were like.. where is the man? din they carry him out? then i realised.. he is put in the lower sector of the bed. tts 2 levels on the bed. quite smart.. so tt passer-by wun get scared. a body-like object been covered by a cloth can be quite scary.. so puting the body in teh lower sector.. ppl will think tt its jus an empty bed. quite smart.
post prelims daes are really so boring.. really dunno wad to do. so sian. and i think i dun have enough frens. poor thing. always stay at home and slp. and i realised.. ppl really need to have sth to do. now i miss sch alr.. wan to go back and get my results. haha. ppl need to be doing sth.. ns studying.. working.. at least they have a purpose in life. cannot idle ard and do nohting. enought he ah bengs.. tho they idle ard.. but they can still play arcade.. have some fights.. and disturb ppl everydae. and they have their gang of frens. so cool. at least their life wun be as boring as mine. they still have to run away from police.. quite fun. i used to run away from police last time. small ah beng.. all my frens big ah beng. lol..
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 11:58 PM
Wooooooo
hoho.. i finally have the time to blog. after so so long. cos i've finished my papers todae. actually was going well til todae. din really study during the weekends. tts why. sleep and watch too much tv. todae dunno how to do anything. damn sad lah. wanted to do well.. at least well enough for my standard. but now.. thnk going to be borderline or fail again. =(
and todae is a very bad dae. not sae tt i din do well for my papers.. but i left my SJI jacket in sch!! in the hall. i forget to take when i left the hall! super angry. my beloved jacket. sji noe? precious. sian la. hai. i hope can find it. dun wan to lose it lor.
and on the train coming home jus now.. dunno whether im not in a good mood or wad. but sporeans.. really irritating. some of them. its always so crowded at cit hall and raffles place.. then got a whole bunch of ppl coming in.. and ppl in the train refuse to move of the centre or to the back. i see everyone inside having so much space.. and ppl at the door squeeze like bloody kuku birds. wad is this man. imagine urself being the one at the door. and jus nice u are the last one.. cant get inside the train cos these stupid ppl dun move to the centre or the back.
and then my uncle.. in a very bad shape. jus visited him in the hospital. jus see how long he can last now. he has mani siblings. nto related to me. and everyone is like so sad when they see him. almsot everyone teared. he cant tok properly and everything alr. cant control himself. sometimes its nice to have mani siblings. got so mani ppl to care. all share the burden together.. nicer feeling. mroe love around. haha. cannot have one kid. damn lonely. finally finished exams.. like alot of things to do.. but at teh moment.. still feel like studying. haha. in the mood alr. but haven been slping well and eating well these 2 wks la. so need some rest 1st i guess.
dunno why. but i searched my cd collection jus now. all so dusty and everything. omg. so dirty lor. but lucky the cd can play. now listening to David Tao. some chinese cd. privated cd somemore. dunno buy from where. forgot reaa.. haha. i need rest.
my night has become a sunny dawn because of you,
Monday, September 19, 2005, 10:19 PM
